Gratitude Challenge

It’s almost Thanksgiving, and your feed is probably full of “gratitude challenges” and “thankfulness lists.” But if you’ve ever stared at that page thinking, “There’s NOTHING to be grateful for in my life... its an absolute mess,”—good. That means you’re not forcing it.

Here’s the thing: forced gratitude doesn’t work. Pretending bad things are blessings confuses your brain’s threat system. The amygdala (where you perceive threats in your brain) doesn’t calm down because you slapped on a smile, it calms down when it has evidence you’re still safe and functional. Real emotional regulation doesn’t come from toxic positivity; it comes from honest accounting.

Try this instead: don’t ask, “What am I grateful for?” Ask, “What’s still working?”

Maybe it’s: “I made it through today. I reached out. I didn’t shut down. I kept breathing.” That’s not fake positivity. It’s reality testing, and it helps your brain stand down.

Studies show that genuine, reflective gratitude practices (not performative ones) improve emotional regulation and sleep, while forced gratitude increases distress and guilt. So, what is working for you this week or month?

If you are still in lots of distress, please ask for help.

You can call or text me at 417-768-9089 or email me at shira@radicalrelationshiptransformation.com