CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Christian marriage counseling in Joplin, MO
You fought on the way to church.
You fought on the way home.
By now you've noticed it isn't really about the dishes, or the money, or whose family gets Christmas. The same argument keeps coming back wearing different clothes. You've prayed about it. You've read the books. You've both promised to do better, and meant it. And here it is again: in the kitchen, in bed, in the car with the radio up so the kids don't hear.
At this point you know this isn't something one more good conversation will fix. You're ready for someone to show you what is actually happening between the two of you, and how to get out of it.
90 MINUTES · IN PERSON, NEAR JOPLIN & WEBB CITY · COUPLES ONLY
the drive home
WHERE IT SHOWS UP
Maybe you're a couple who…
Has the same fight so often you could both recite it.
And it still happens every time.
Feels like roommates.
The house runs, the bills get paid, and nobody has reached for the other in longer than either of you wants to admit.
Is carrying something that broke trust.
And can't tell whether the apologies have been enough, or ever will be.
Has one pushing to talk and the other going quiet.
To keep it from getting worse. So you both end up alone in the same house.
Smiles at church and sings the songs.
And feels like a fraud doing it, because nobody there knows how bad it is at home.
Wonders what all of this says about your faith.
Or whether God is disappointed in you. And is afraid to ask anyone.
this is the work
LET'S FIND WHAT'S UNDERNEATH THE FIGHT, AND LEARN TO REACH EACH OTHER AGAIN. WITH YOUR FAITH AT THE FOUNDATION, NOT ON THE SIDELINES.
You can love God, love each other, and still be caught in a pattern that hurts. It doesn't mean your faith is weak, and it doesn't mean your marriage is hopeless. It means the two of you are stuck in something, and you need help getting out. That is the whole of my work: Christian couples, the pattern between them, and a way out of it that holds.
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KODAK PORTRA 400
KODAK PORTRA 400
couples are my whole practice
HI, I'M SHIRA
I'm a Christian, a pastor's daughter, and a marriage therapist.
I know church language from the inside, so you don't have to translate for me. Words like covenant, forgiveness and submission mean a great deal, and I treat them with care. I trained at Fuller Seminary, I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and couples are my whole practice.
In Christian marriage counseling with me, your faith is at the foundation of the work. Prayer and Scripture are part of it. So are the hard questions, like what forgiveness looks like when you're still hurting.
You can bring the anger, the doubt, the thing you've never said out loud at church. There is room for all of it. Your faith is there to steady you both, and it is never used to hurry anyone past their pain. Forgiveness takes the time it takes.
And I get involved. When the old fight starts to take over, I'll slow us down and stay with both of you while we find what's underneath.
You may be afraid a counselor will tell you to give up. Here is what I tell couples: if you love each other, keep going. And read what Emotionally Focused Therapy does for couples.
If your spouse is tired, skeptical or unsure about any of this, they're welcome too. You don't have to be in the same place to start.
WHY CHRISTIAN COUPLES COME TO ME
You can get a counselor who sometimes sees couples. Or you can get the one who sees only couples.
01
Couples are my entire practice. Not something I squeeze into Tuesday afternoon.
02
I was raised in the church. You won't have to explain your faith to me, or defend it.
03
Ninety minutes, not fifty. Enough time to get underneath the fight, not just describe it.
04
I don't referee. I get in the middle of the cycle with you and slow it down.
The method is Emotionally Focused Therapy, the most studied couples approach there is. In the trials behind it, more than half of distressed couples didn't just improve; they recovered, and months and years later they'd kept the gains. I'm not promising you that. I'm telling you it's possible, and that most couples wait years longer than they need to before finding out.
while it's happening
HOW WE'LL WORK TOGETHER
Slowing the cycle down while it's happening, so the two of you can see it and step out of it.
Couples don't get stuck because they lack love or faith. They get stuck in a cycle: one reaches, the other retreats; one gets louder, the other goes quiet; until the cycle is running the marriage. In our sessions we'll look closely at yours, exactly how it starts and where it takes you both, until it becomes the thing you're fighting together instead of each other.
I get involved. When the old argument starts up in the room, I'll stop it partway and show you what's really being said underneath it, which is usually fear, grief, or a longing to matter to each other. I'll challenge both of you and protect both of you. Your marriage is the client; I'm not there to name the better spouse or the better Christian.
Your faith is at the foundation of our work, not an add-on. Prayer and Scripture are part of it, and so are the hard questions: what forgiveness looks like while you're still hurting, what submission means when you feel unseen. Faith is never used to hurry either of you past your pain, or to win an argument.
Over time you'll learn to notice the spiral earlier and say so, to say what hurt where you used to fire back, and to answer each other in a way that rebuilds safety. You practice it here, with me, before you try it at home. You still disagree. You stop losing each other when you do.
The approach is Emotionally Focused Therapy, and I practice it with high fidelity, close to the model as Sue Johnson developed it, in every session. Read what Emotionally Focused Therapy does for couples.
Most couples wait years longer than they need to, hoping it will pass. It doesn't pass; it settles in.
Together we can find the way out of this, and decide what the two of you want to build in its place.
WHAT REPAIR CAN FEEL LIKE
You still disagree. You stop losing each other when you do.
You notice the old spiral earlier, and one of you says so. You say what hurt, where you used to fire back. You stay in the room. Forgiveness becomes honest repair, at the pace the hurt needs.
keep this one
You feel like teammates again.
A hard conversation can end with the two of you closer.
Affection and sex have room to be good again.
frame 24
Your faith gives you both courage and compassion.
There is ordinary warmth and laughter in the house.
BEFORE YOU BOOK
The worries that keep Christian couples from calling.
If you've been putting off the call, one of these is probably why. I'd rather answer them here than have you wonder.
No. I work with couples of all backgrounds. In Christian marriage counseling, faith is at the foundation of the work, and the two of you do not have to be in the same place with it. If one of you is less certain, that difference will be respected, not argued away.
Yes. Scripture and prayer are part of the work. They are not a substitute for the clinical work, and they will never be used to shut down pain or pressure either partner.
I will challenge both of you and protect both of you. Your relationship is the client. My job is not to name the better spouse or better Christian; it is to help both of you see and change the pattern that is hurting you.
You do not need matching levels of enthusiasm. Skepticism is welcome. Show up, be honest, and let us look closely at what keeps happening between you. That's all it takes to start.
It can help you face the injury honestly, stabilize the relationship, and rebuild emotional safety if both partners are willing to do the work. Forgiveness is not treated as a shortcut around accountability; it is something we work toward at the pace the hurt needs.
The clinical work is the same: the pattern between you, slowed down in the room, with Emotionally Focused Therapy. What changes is the foundation. We talk about how faith shapes your marriage, and both partners' convictions matter; neither of you is pressured.
Both partners attend together, in person, at my office in Webb City near Joplin. Couples travel here from Joplin, Webb City, and surrounding communities. I do not offer online appointments.
Yes. I also offer Christian premarital counseling. We can work on how you handle disagreement, ask for support, and talk about the expectations you are bringing into marriage, including faith, money, family, and sex.
THE PRACTICAL PART
Enough time to do the work.
Couples work needs enough room to get beneath the argument, help both of you feel understood, and practice something different before the session ends. My office is near the Webb City/Joplin border.
You don't both have to be sure. If one of you is more ready than the other, that's all right. Show up. That's all.
417-768-9089 · SHIRA@RADICALRELATIONSHIPTRANSFORMATION.COM
24
PORTRA 400
PORTRA 400
ONE APPOINTMENT
$250
90 MINUTES · IN PERSON · PRIVATE PAY
Enough time to stay with the work, so you don't leave in the middle of it. No insurance; I'll give you a receipt for an HSA or FSA.
WHEN THE HURT HAS A PARTICULAR SHAPE
Some wounds need more than a general marriage conversation.
Start with the concern that feels most urgent. Each path stays grounded in the same couples-only, attachment-focused work.
Couples therapy in Joplin for repeated conflict and distance
When every conversation becomes the same fight, or no conversation happens at all.
Affair recovery and broken trust
Structure for the questions, shame, hypervigilance, grief, and repair after betrayal.
Sex therapy in Joplin, MO for desire and covenant connection
A safe, non-performance-focused way to talk about intimacy, rejection, pressure, and longing.
Christian premarital counseling
Build a stronger pattern before old defenses and unspoken expectations become the marriage.
FURTHER READING
almost
YOU ONLY NEED ENOUGH WILLINGNESS TO BEGIN
Bring me the marriage nobody at church sees.
You can arrive hopeful, skeptical, exhausted, angry, or unsure. We will start with what keeps happening between you, and what each of you is trying so hard not to lose.
CALL OR TEXT 417-768-9089 · SHIRA@RADICALRELATIONSHIPTRANSFORMATION.COM
PRACTICE
CONTACT
417-768-9089 · SHIRA@RADICALRELATIONSHIPTRANSFORMATION.COM
Shira Christine Hearn, LMFT · Missouri license #2022045023
KODAK PORTRA 400
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KODAK PORTRA 400